I pretty much really didn’t understand how IVF worked until I experienced it second hand through a close friend of my husband who had been undergoing IVF for five years or so. So my understanding of the whole journey, the procedures, the emotional turmoil and the financial aspect was so limited until I really experienced it first hand myself.

What I have noticed since doing IVF is that its not really heard or spoken about as much as it really should be and I do believe it deserves a lot more attention in the public eye as it is becoming more common. I wish the government would take it seriously if someone in parliment is going through it or knows someone who is. The word IVF is kind of like the dirty word that you never say it out loud & if it is mentioned, then its really to only a select few of people (i.e. close friends and family).

So, apparently – having a baby is easy.

Yeah sure for a big portion of the population that’s true. However, if you’re like me & you’re struggling to fall pregnant for whatever reason (I will go more into what my issue is later on in a future post) and you have tried every sex position in the book that “supposedly'” can help your man’s fellas target your eggs, such as:

…FYI, its all a myth. The sperm knows where to go and no cirque du soliel acrobatic position is going to take help those fellas get going along faster or dive into position… but a hilarious vision for your man to witness nevertheless!

And just between you and I, I have done this on many occasions.

I know first hand the extreme frustration & heartache you experience each and every month of when that dreaded period arrives and you’re no closer to being pregnant.  It freaking hurts like hell! I have cried so many times every month when that bitch turned up (and I still do).

I started my IVF journey in April 2012 after miscarrying my first pregnancy in February of that same year.

After a few months of trying, my husband pretty much said we needed to go & see my GP and ask for a referral to go & see a fertility specialist. I was stunned. Never thought I would need one day to go & see a fertility specialist. I didn’t even know where to go and find one.  Who was I going to ask? My friends? Um, no because everyone around me I knew fell pregnant easily & and I didn’t want anyone to know that I was having problems. It happened once surely it would happen again…

How about family?? Hell no!  I definitely didn’t want any of my family knowing about my problem or be seen as the black sheep of the family (lucky for me all my family live over in Portugal & France). I just didn’t want anyone saying (or thinking) that I ‘failed’ in the DNA family line of reproduction. I already felt enough inner shame as it was but of course its obvious that these thoughts were only coming from me & not from what anyone actually thought or felt. I guess it was my way of beating up myself before anyone else could.

Where was I going to find a fertility clinic? Well, the computer became my new best friend. Correction.

The internet became my new best friend. The one I could turn to at any time of the day or night. The one who ‘told me’ all the information I needed. Google. Yep, that’s right. I ‘chatted’ with Google or as many fertility challenged women call it, “Dr Goggle”.

I typed in those two words: fertility specialist.  Now depending on your current location in the world, it brings up all the medical clinics & the names of fertility specialists that are near you or within the same state.  I went to an IVF clinic that is near my home and it was also just five minutes away from my work, and from what the reviews said – it came highly recommended.

The first appointment I had at the IVF clinic I saw a lady specialist & the first thing she had me do was a blood test to check my AMH and vitamin D levels.

Lately there has been quite a bit of media coverage (or controversy) concerning AMH tests as a few doctors are now starting to say that these tests are no longer reliable and accurate and should not be relied on. (cue in the cough)

When my test came back, the results were 7.1. Meaning low. My fertility specialist said that because I had fallen naturally pregnant the first time it really should happen again for me & that I only should come back in about six months as I was ‘still young enough‘. Mind you, I was 39 years old at the time. Anyway, she’s the fertility specialist, who am I to argue with or know better.

I saw her at the end of April 2012.

I told my husband and he wasn’t happy with waiting for that long and demanded we see someone else. I rang the next day & asked to see another fertility specialist & because he was quite popular, there was bit of a wait to see this doctor.

I finally saw this fertility specialist early September 2012.   This is the exactly how the appointment went. I still remember it… word for word:

“Now why are you here?”

Er, because I’m having trouble falling pregnant so that’s why I’m seeing you.

“OK. How old are you?”

39.

“Oh, you’re too old to become a mother.”

(Cue in the long silence, and the thought being said in my head… “QUE?!! SAY WHAT?!!”)

I was shocked & stayed silent for a few seconds. Totally gobsmacked and actually muttered silently inside my head:

(Cue in more inner thoughts)”Alrighty then, at the same as your slapping me harder on the face with the knowledge that I already know ABOUT my age, you’re disrespecting me as a woman by saying I’m too old to become a mother. How about you help me as I’m paying you $150 for the 15 minutes that you see me, alright then!”

“Have you fallen pregnant before?”

Yes. First pregnancy. I miscarried 2 weeks later.

“Any health issues? Do you smoke? Drink?

No. No and no.

“OK. Lets do an ultrasound of your uterus and see how that looks.”

Off we go over to the table, I take off the bottom clothes and he starts with the ultrasound.

“You have a beautiful uterus. A very very beautiful uterus.”

Again, I’m gobsmacked and lost for words & just muttered silently in my head: OK. Sounds like you’re flirting with my uterus and that you want to take it out for coffee. Awkward much.” Feeling more so uncomfortable especially with an ultrasound contraption up my cervix .

“Everything looks very good in there. I don’t see what the problem is that you cannot fall pregnant. I will order a HSG test for you. This will check out your fallopian tubes to see that they are all OK.”

“You are healthy & fit woman, and still young.”

Again I muttered silently inside my head (I tend to do that a lot): “Right! So now I’m still young! So I’m OK now to be a mother?!” (cue in my F words being said inside my head at hearing that comment as I’m getting dressed).

A hsg test (hysterosalpingogram) is a radiology procedure usually done in the radiology department of a hospital or outpatient radiology facility.

Radiographic contrast (dye) is injected inside the uterus and into the fallopian tubes. It’s suggested often for women who are having a hard time becoming pregnant.